| Nov. 10th, 2009 @ 12:18 am Tosca |
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Current Location: Home
Current Mood:  cynical
Current Music: Matchbox 20 - Push
Act 1.
Escape from a prison of self-creation. Running from everything I know I find a place of salvation. A house of god... a house to hide in.
Hiding in my house I search for a way out, a path to escape.
People are there with me, offer to help, secretly I know I need to be alone in my efforts.
Act 2.
Twist and bend others will and beliefs. Show them their thoughts are not their own and why they should love the way you want them to. Take pleasure in the way you can manipulate them... Then it turns on you, retreat away and hide again, as the mayhem falls around you. Betrayal, and lies. in a cache of volumes something is done which cannot be undone. Something is changed which will never be the same again.
Act 3.
Hear the bells of a timeless age. Reflect on what you once had and what was gone to never be again. Look forward and see nothing through the cloudy mist, only the specters of what once was. Write a letter and hope that for someone salvation will be found. Just like the painting of the Madonna from what now seems a lifetime ago; some things are stuck like the paint on canvas. what was done has been set and will never be undone. Yet you look forward, you see the other come around the corner. Shout your dispassion and take a leap of faith. The life on the other side is a better one than what you have here.
"It is the fear of what comes after the doing that makes the doing hard to do. But you can usually live with the consequences"
Tony Kushner
It's not my quote. and sometimes only the first half really seems to apply. Sometimes there is just so much emotion that there isn't a way to feel it. it comes in waves and there's no reason for it to be there, it just is. The past creeps up and like a wave washes me with a salty brine. I feel carried out by the tide. drowning and suffering in a relentless torrent of salt and water.
I know in the end i will be clean and have a breath. be sitting on a beautiful shore with a sunset and peace. But the calm seems so far off when all you hear is the wind, all you see is the storm, all you feel is the thunder and all you can do is fear what is around you. Even if all that is there is nothing at all.
She said I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved
By hand that's touched me, well I feel like something's gonna give
And I'm a little bit angry, well
This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you around
You don't owe me, we might change
Yeah we just might feel good
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will
Well I will
She said I don't know why you ever would lie to me
Like I'm a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me
You couldn't stand to be near me
When my face don't seem to want to shine
'cuz It's a little bit dirty well
Don't just stand there, say nice things to me
I've been cheated I've been wronged you,
And you don't know me, I can't change
I won't do anything at all
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted, yeah I will, I will
Oh but don't bowl me over
Just wait a minute well it kinda fell apart, things get so crazy, crazy
Don't rush this baby, don't rush this Baby, baby
I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted, yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna take you, take you, yeah, well I will, I will, I will, I will
I will, I will, I will, Yeah, yeah, push you around,
I'll drag you down, I wanna push you around
Well I will |
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baghtal's journal
morose
optimistic
tired
